If I Were Gay by Stephen Lynch:

here we are dear old friend
you and i drunk again
laughs have been had and and tears have been shed
maybe the whiskey's gone to my head

but if i were gay
i would give you my heart
and if i were gay
you'd be my work of art
and if i were gay
we would swim in romance
but i'm not gay
so get your hand out of my pants

its not that i dont care -i do
i just dont see myself in you
another time, another scene
i'd be right behind you -if you know what i mean

cause if i were gay
i would give you my soul
and if i were gay
i would give you my whole being
and if i were gay
we would tear down the walls
but i'm not gay
so wont you stop cupping my.. hand

we've never hugged
we've never kissed
i've never been intimate with your fist
but you have opened brand new doors
get over here and drop your drawers